Tuesday, May 6, 2008

How to Get Revenge on Roadway Bullies, Without Really Trying

Bicycle drivers get a lot of crap initiated by motorists. The general motoring public, cops, and the courts are generally ignorant of bicycle rights. But, the vast majority of motorists and cops leave bicycle drivers alone, unless, of course, the bicyclist is impersonating Santa.

Every now and then, motorists turn into roadway bullies against bicycle drivers otherwise minding his own business of going from point A to point B. So, what to do?

Read carefully. I'm about to tell you stuff you need to know. The stuff NO LCI, licensed cycling instructor, will tell.

A very common bullying tactic motorists use is the mean honk and the hard pass. Here's what to do to get some revenge:

1) Note the make, model, and color of vehicle;
2) If you catch the bully at the red, casually roll right up to the driver;
3) Slowly lower your face and look at the bully directly in the eye;
4) Stick tongue out.

Problem SOLVED. Works great every time. If the driver rolls down the window in a good mood, ask for a dollar. For your troubles.

A less common bullying tactic is the motorist stopping in the middle of the road to duke it out with you. Usually it's because he saw you flipping the bird at him. The idiot deserved it. Don't feel bad. But, you still need to react.

I actually love angry motorists who are so boiling mad enough to get out of their vehicles to do battle. LOVE it. LOVE it.

First of all, once the idiot gets out of his vehicle, the fight is pretty much OVER, in YOUR favor. You, my two-wheeled friend, are now in charge. You are faster. He's the pedestrian.

Put traffic between you and the bully, before you wreck his day with rude gestures toward your crotch. If the man is so mad that he forgets to yield to oncoming traffic and gets nailed, oh well.

There are some motorists who don't get out. But, they still insist on bullying. Bicycles are more manuverable than motor vehicles. Use that fact to your advantage. Pick a gap in the oncoming traffic in the opposite direction. Make a U-turn, going the opposite way. Or hop onto the sidewalk, going the opposite way. You get the idea.

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